Young People’s Advice on Building Relationships in Residential Child Care

During my interviews I asked young people from their experience what their advice would be for staff on building relationships with young people in residential child care. They each explained what factors they felt were important and what they would do to build a positive relationship. The most common themes are shared above and taken from the ten interviews completed with young people. Here is what some young people* said,

Robert (14) “Firstly, If I was a staff member I’d think don’t go in head first, get to know them [young people]. You need to take it slow and be yourself, don’t stick to all the rules. Don’t be like go to your room for swearing. I wouldn’t, I’d ask if they were okay and what had annoyed them. I know staff are like oh wit there’s Robert and they act all nice to me because they don’t want the hassle. My advice is be upfront, be straight, be yourself and have a laugh. That’s what I would do”

 

Bella (15) “Through time you can build a relationship, just spending time and the bond just grows. Always try to build as strong and as big a relationship as you can, being here at 13 you think everyone is against you. The student we had managed to build relationships in a couple of weeks, like it’s important because it doesn’t make it feel like it’s a job, staff would come to work more if they had special relationships. I get on with a lot of staff but Jason is the only guy that I trust, I trust him more than my pals, if my mates told me and advised me like he did I would tell them to bolt. He has always been there for me”

 

Luke (16) “I would get to know them, see if you just jump in it doesn’t work. You need to get to know them and speak to them. You need relationships for them to build trust. If staff I don’t know are here on shift and something bad has happened and they try to speak to me I think it just doesn’t work, you don’t know me and I don’t know you. One to one time works, interests, ask them what they are into, likes and music that stuff. It’s important finding an interest that helps to get to know people”

 

Lynn (16) “With Jay he tried and he listened and helped me build a relationship with him. I think being funny and not being too serious, having fun helps. I like some staff that are quite strict, they have rules but funny and caring. Some kids even though they don’t want it, need boundaries and stuff like I did. One staff member would tell me what they thought and what they didn’t like and I needed to hear that. It helped me. I like people that are straight up”

Young people spoke about how their relationship with staff aided them in times of crisis, helped them to feel better about themselves and changed their views about how relationships work. Here are some snapshots of young people’s success stories that they felt were attributed to their relationships with staff.

Sarah (17) “Craig would also tell me I was smart, he said I could be anything I wanted. He was the one that suggested I apply for my course at college. I couldn’t believe when I was accepted and Craig told me he was proud of me. It felt great, you know no-one had cared that much before or encouraged me like he did”

 

Robert (14) “Well, I don’t think I would be sitting here with you if it wasn’t for Steve, he taught me about confidence, took me to play sports and get a hold on my anger. That was a lot to teach me but somehow he did. I give people a chance now because I think maybe they will be like Steve, I trust people more”

 

Tanya (15) “I understand now like it’s a two way thing [relationships]. Not just about me and that you can have other relationships with people too”

 

Ricki (16) “I get on good with my mum, actually with all my family, that was down to Shirley. She took the time to speak and listen to my mum and helped me understand life better. She would take me home for contact and if we were having like a bad day she would help us talk about things. I’m going back to live at home, she didn’t just help me, she helped my family. I look to the future, we all do, we didn’t before I met Shirley”

Watch out for my next blog on success stories about continuing care and connections within fostering services.

—
*Minor changes have been made to protect the identity of some of the people discussed in the blog.  In cases where more significant, potential identifying details have been included, the relevant participants have been consulted and agreed to said details.